IT jokes
Why are liberals so bad at playing hockey? Because it is played on ICE
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
How to fart:
Let it go, let it go.
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
Question:
Did you hear the one about MAGA people?
Answer:
It "sucks" just like they do!
Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.
Your hairline is like the McDonald's logo. It's forming a perfect M.
Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.
I’m the type to join a cult unknowingly, but get too lazy to commit to it.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
The great meme reset is like a fart. If you force it, it's gonna be shit.
Your forehead’s so big it got sponsored by GAP.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.