IT jokes
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.
I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
Computers are females because when they're down, you always charge her.
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
'Cause it was stuck in the crack... *buttcrack*
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Your hairline is so big, it was used as a highway.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.
It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.