IT jokes
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
Family photo.
What is it called when orphans take a selfie?
A family photo.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
"I need to go to the doctor!"
"Why?"
"It has a crack in it."
How you know it’s her time in MJ's house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.
If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it’s still printing!
Why did the French call Napoleon "Napo?" Because it is Napo[leon].
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call it; it won’t come to you.
Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?
Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!
“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”