What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
Dumb.
Yo' mama is so stupid, she couldn't find a needle in a haystack.
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!!!
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Only a genius can say this
EYE YAM STEW PEED
my boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and a I still have to ask him thinks like that becuae i so distraked from him
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?
A: The honor roll.
