INS jokes

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.

If you looked in the mirror, you would see an ugly person, which is you.

Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe

Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.

She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.

What do you call a bunch of bald paki in a swimming pool? Coco pops.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?

Mixed nuts.

What do you call a physically handicapped heterosexual man that is in a wheelchair and German?

A physically handicapped promiscuous heterosexual man that is German.

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.