INS jokes
Do not roast. *sigh in depression*
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
My friend, what's up?
Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Do not sort... that's bad... *sigh in depression*
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
Maybe Soy Milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish! (Soy means "I am" in Spanish).
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?
Coronavirus and toilet paper.
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.
I kicked a soccer ball at a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Rocket League!"
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What do Hostess Twinkies and the cock of a gay man have in common?
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