Infection jokes

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?

What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?

A yeast infection.

How come lepers don't play cards?

Well, if they lose a couple of hands...

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.

One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.

There was a crying pandemic going around.

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!

What do women and moldy bread have in common?

A yeast infection.

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."

Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.

What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!

I'm not saying you're annoying.

But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.

"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."

What is a lot?

Syphilis.

What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.