Illegal substance jokes
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
What's the difference between kids and drugs? I don't sell drugs.
How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
She can clean her crack and sell it again.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Sniffing cocaine?
YES SIRRR!
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Just ask your dad.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.