If jokes
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
If an emo counts down, don't worry, they probably have only one bullet.
If lint comes from pockets, where does a cockroach come from?
Not sure if the Twin Towers were destroyed or if they were just purposely demolished. 🖐️😀
If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
If you hit an orphan on the arm, what will he do? Tell his parents?
What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.
Like if I am emo.
If you're cleaning a vacuum, aren't you the vacuum cleaner?
If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?
Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
Why do trans women go by she/her?
Because if they went by her/she, they'd be Hershey's.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
Like if you have nuts.
Like this if you're an American.