Woman: will you luv me after marriage as well?
Man:That will depend on ur husband. If he will, so of course i would!!!
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital. Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me. But I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheel chair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically ot will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guys says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
Here are a few:
While I was out shopping i tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me, for fun I said "Sorry! It's been awhile since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs. . . I hope!
Son: Dad why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.
I always say im single, which annoys my wife.
My wife left a note on the fridge, the note read "It's not working" I don't know what she's talking about, I opened the fridge and it worked fine!
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort"...
One day when I driving around our children's school with my wife she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did we hear a loud, long scream.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water ' His wife asked what that for. it is for your headache i dont have a headache
he smiles gotcha!!!!
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
a couple has sex in the dark every single night one night the wife gets curious about what goes on so they start f...ing and she flicks the light on when she flicks the light on she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy she's so mad that she started ranting and raving the husband says honey I know you're mad and I'll explain the toy just do me one favor explain the children.
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?........ It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky too. *laughs manically*
What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision!!!!! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision!!!!!!! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios new series: WandaVision!!!!!!
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
one day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER" the guy said. So the duck walked away. The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha
