Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!". Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said "It's something that daddy calls mommy" The little girl yells to her brother "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
What's white, black, and red all over?
A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal. The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot and the son answers: "Holy Cow!!!" Father: "What do you mean Holy Cow?" Son: "You shot a hole in the cow of course!!!"
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Not a joke but still dc
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies ????
Have you ever tried to clean one ?
💡 idea. Start a confidential organization that only recruits via invite. Stockpile heavy duty weapons in an si when the time comes we can defend America from any domestic threat. *just a silly idea*
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
2 hunter are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and and hunter #1 dials 911. Operator: "911 what's your emergency?" Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods fell asleep." Operator: "Check if he's / she's (not assuming genders) dead." *Operator hears a distant gunshot* Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gague shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun, he said "your crazy!", I responded "quackers"
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
Eagle:'You know why hunting me would be a bad idea? Because it is ILL-EAGLE!
I used have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting. I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“
Ur so ugly that when u came out of the hunted house u had a job offer
