Hows jokes

Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"

Woman: "Sure."

Man: "How about for ten dollars?"

Woman: "What do you think I am?"

Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."

Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?

A: He rapes D minor.

On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?

How do orphans have a family reunion?

They use a Ouija board.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

They unplugged the wifi.

How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.

How do you know when a football player has been to jail?

When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

I like my men how I like my coffee...

WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

How did the rich save the poor?

They didn't let them in the Titanic.

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

Why did God make men?

Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...