Hows jokes
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.