How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
Hows Jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.
Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
