Hows jokes
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?