Hows jokes
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
How do you get a million fowl?
You run through Africa with a bullet of water.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
How do you say "fish" without the "i"?
Fsh
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.