Hows jokes
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
She asked:
"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
How does a non-binary ninja slay enemies?
They/Them.
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
Papyrus: Well come to the underground.
Sans: How was your falls?
Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.
Sans: Give me your balls!
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."
I have no idea how he knew.
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!