Howe jokes

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:

1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝

These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

How do parents punish their blind kid? They move the bed.

How do you help a starving cannibal?

You give him a hand!

How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

How do you get a cow to eat?

Give it mooshrooms!

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

[God creating a jellyfish]

God: How about an evil bag?