Howe jokes

How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just cry in darkness.

Yo mama's so fat, there's not enough yo mama's so fat jokes to tell how fat she is.

How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.

He said, "Best surprise ever!"

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

I farted how bout u?

I couldn’t quite remember how to catch a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?

0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you throw it hard enough.

My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."

So I said, "But which one?"

There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?

There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?

He didn’t, there was no lift...!

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.

And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.