Howe jokes
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."
Yo mama was so dumb, he didn't know how to turn on his computer.
Memes
How does a booty apologize?
From the bottom of his fart!
How do booties greet each other?
"What's crackin'?"
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
How do rappers stay cool in the summer?
They drop ICE COLD rhymes.
How do butts communicate?
By using CRACK-BERRIES!
How does a booty stay in shape?
It works its glutes off!
How do you surprise a blind kid?
Put a plunger in the toilet.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.