Howe jokes

What did one bean say to the other bean?

How you bean?

Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?

A: Tumor.

How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...

How did the Java programmer's son get rich?

Because of inheritance.

How do you get 100 Pikachus on a bus?

- Pokémon

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

8 jelly tickles!

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

How do you know that Americans hate exercise?

9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?

What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.

What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.

What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.

"How do celebrities stay cool?"

"They have many fans!"

Hi Gwen, how is life!

A. Bad, lame, and suckish.

B. Good, awesome, and you are loved!

C. Perfect!

I'm guessing that your life is NOT B nor C! Man, you're such an asshole!

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.

How do you tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton by the BONERS lmao?

How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!

Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?

Because they cannot find home.

It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.

But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?

If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?