Home jokes
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."
Your family.
If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"