Home jokes

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

I love the chicken house that is a great place for a walk home, and walk home from a home, and walk home night, and walk home, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.

Why can't orphans open a website?

Because they don't have a home page.

I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

I left my Avatar at home today.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.

Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.

Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.

Laugh now.