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There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

Why do orphans like Spider-Man?

'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!

Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?

Because homing missiles don't work on them.

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.

Kid: Runs home.

A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...

If you know, you know.