Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
Holiday Jokes
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
