Hold Jokes

I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow , there is no food , and the drinks are 10 miles away !

Orphan lady: ok kids, someone donated groceries Orphans: YAY! 5 minutes late.. Orphans: Wait..wheres the.. Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter* Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe

Why do butts always win at poker?

They always hold the best PAIRS

Dad\mom:Son,your adopted .son:i know,.*holds up daddys phone that has the text of them talking about it.* dad:babe,we need to talk. mom:ok...... dad:hes grounded. mom:your right,your grounded! oh and im dumping you. son:am i getting a new daddy? mom:soon honey,soon.... dad:i really shouldnt have let her know i cheating

A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water ' His wife asked what that for. it is for your headache i dont have a headache

he smiles gotcha!!!!

So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?

Well i looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. all he says is "don't ask or you shall die"

knock knock whos there bum bum who bum holding pistol

mom, mom I'm holding my little brother's hand ..... little Johnny good! but he's not bien yet

Joshua White loves blue, A simple truth, tried and true. In his pocket, only six, Yet each penny a valued fix.

With eyes that seek the azure skies, He dreams of places that mesmerize. A palette of blues, a symphony of hues, Whispering secrets only he can choose.

His heart beats to the rhythm of the sea, Where waves crash, wild and free. In sandy shores, he finds solace rare, A momentary escape from life's daily wear.

In cerulean fields, flowers dance, Their vibrant petals, a timeless romance. He wanders through meadows, devoid of strife, Seeking solace in nature's vibrant life.

Joshua White, a soul of gentle grace, Embracing the world at his own pace. Though his pockets hold a mere six, His spirit soars, never to be fixed.

For in the depths of his azure dreams, The richness of life's tapestry gleams. And with every breath, he finds anew, That love is boundless, ever true.

When I am getting bore, I hold a banana start shaking suddenly it gives out juice after a few min I get excited ohhhhhhj.... Try with a cucumber

My boyfriend and i were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet. All our friends were shocked when i went into the boys bathroom with him.

Man: Could you hold this for me? Kid:Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang!*GUNSHOT* Man:Damnit now who am I gonna put in the van?!

What do you tell your butt check when you need to use the bathroom hold it in so you want get constipated and die.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Why did the orphan die on the road..... because they had no one to hold there hand.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge? It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava, if they're active. And ours was.

during the great war:

*a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.* He says:"You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *he didn't stop firing*