HI jokes

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

What do you call Thanatos' favorite app on his phone?

Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?

A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

Why did the vampire go to the doctor?

Because of his coffin.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite drink?

His dribble.

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

Stephen Hawking died because he lost his WiFi connection.

Child: I am hungry.

Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!

Child: *groans* *walks away*

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?

Hi boo!

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To try to get away from the man.

Why did the man cross the road?

Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.

A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"

A man lost his left arm.

He's all right now.

Hi 👋, was the day you?