Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
HI Jokes
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
If hi = hi?
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?
Catch you later!
Why couldn't the T-rex clap his hands?
Because he's dead.
Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.
Hi I did a...
