How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
HI Jokes
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?
The grass was tickling his balls.
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
