HI jokes
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.
None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.
Memes
I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.