HI jokes

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.

But the tree left him hanging.

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

What did the orphan do when he got punched?

Nothing, because his parents weren't there! :)

Hi Blake.

Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

How does Moses brew his coffee?

He brews it.

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

His girls clapped, BTW. 😬

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).

Student: How should I know, that's his story?

Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.

Hi I did a...