Hes jokes
I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.
The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
Why didn't the orphan go home?
Because he didn't have a home.
Why can't Juice WRLD play Call of Duty zombies?
Because he can't handle all six perks.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
People tell Kobe to fly high, but when he flew high, he died.
When the driver ran out of fuel, what kind of gasoline did he use? Grassoline.