Hes jokes
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
So, I met a boy, and he said he would be happy to be a cannibal because if we all were, we could stop overpopulation and world hunger. And I was like 😍😍😍😍🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
My grandfather died in 9/11.
He was a great pilot.
This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
A Story:
I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.
Sequel follows...
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.
Person 1: Wasn’t Stephen Hawking on X Factor?
Person 2: No, why would he be on X Factor?
Person 1: For dancing.
I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.
Yo, back off from my homey Freshfry; he's mine!
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.