one day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER" the guy said. So the duck walked away. The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha
Why did the boy get a Koala? He had the Koalaficatians
I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father
He never sees his kids
Have you ever walked into Jason Fraser’s house?
Neither has he
You know Thomas Paine right. Well, clearly he had some common sense too. right?
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
dAmM
If Red gets voted out, what happened?
Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"
Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"
Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"
Lime, Green, and Purple run.
Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.
Black killed Red. Black is the win.
LOL
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school
he was a cheetah
So last week I gave my Blind friend a cheese grater. The next 2 weeks he told me that was the most violet book he has ever read
Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.
Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”
“Under my bench,” he replies.
Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.
Why can't and orphan play baseball, Because he/she doesn't know where to run home
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
