Hes jokes
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
What category of music did JFK like?
You could say he was a metalhead.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.
Mom: Son, did you go to school?
Son: What if I said yes?
Mom: You are in school! *slap*
Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.
Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(
Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.
Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!
Son: Good.
Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?
If you like it, please commit down.
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken!
I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.
My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.
Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?
'Cause he wanted higher grades.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"
Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.
I saw a little boy begging for money.
I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents!"
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.
But don't worry, he is all right now.