My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.
Hes Jokes
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
A man who thinks he's funny but is actually a transvestite/transformer.
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
I bullied a handicap today.
What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
My teacher: Oliver will be transitioning.
Me: tRaNsItIoNiNg!!!!
My teacher: He will be transitioning from primary school to secondary school.
Me: I thought you meant another transitioning...
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to Hell?
He couldn't get up the stairway to Heaven.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
My Dad went for some milk. He never came back :)
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
