Herring jokes

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.