Heard Jokes

I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."

Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.

Have you heard about the new cereal?

It's called "Prostituties."

They don't snap, crackle, or pop, but they sure do bang!

I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"

I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.

(Extra Cholesterol)

Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!

Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.

Have you heard about the new movie with Stephen Hawking as the star? It's called "Unplugged."

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

Later!

Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.

Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?

Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.

Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?

Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.

LOL xD

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

Yo momma's so stupid, she took a shower for 20 minutes after she heard a DIRTY JOKE!

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing, so hope you enjoy, and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise, and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars, which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff, but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do, and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

Have you ever heard of emo pizza?

It cuts itself!

Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?

Never mind. It’s too cheesy!

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...