Have jokes
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.
Has anyone walked in on their parents making love? I have.
Please comment! :)
What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?
Broken plates.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?
Why can't white people post jokes about making fun of black people, but black people can post jokes about making fun of white people?
Because white people have white privilege.
You have gaps in your teeth, looks like your tongue is in jail.
What do rednecks and deaf people have in common?
Don’t care wtf you say or listen to shit you say😂
What is the difference between an American and a computer?
An American doesn’t have trouble shooting.
Why do orphans not play Call of Duty?
Because they have to land at houses.
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?
Answer: Loneliness.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?