Have jokes
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
You've heard of anal sex.
You've heard of oral sex.
You've heard of genital sex.
But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?
He can't choose between black or white.
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
Why do orphans want to be gay?
Because they will have someone to call "daddy" for once.
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."
What issues don't orphans have?
Daddy issues.
I have a little John.
I don't know, I don't have one.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.