I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: “Homework!”

When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”

Doctor: You’re as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That’s great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.

Boi your the reason the great wall of China is a thing. You so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,

“People need me for my excellent medicine!” and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,

“People are in need of my great knowledge!” and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,

“You are to young. Take the final parachute and go.” The geek instead says,

“No, there are two parachutes left, the ‘smart’ one took my backpack.”

I don’t understand the plane crash at 9/11. my dad was a great pilot!

Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time! Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.

As a hobby I started taking walks around the old clock tower. It’s a great way to pass the time.

My Great Grandfather died in 9/11

He was an Amazing Pilot

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”

“How was your day?” “It was great” “what was so great about it?” “i saw a puppy” “awww” “and i ran over it :)”

It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, “What would you like for breakfast?” Billy’s mom asked politely, Billy replied with “whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!”

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?" Me: I think it’s a great idea, when are you getting one?

Why is the wheel the best invention?

Becuase it’s wheely wheely great!

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕

A It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic! B Thank you. A People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!

Loading...