Great jokes

what happens when the president turns emo?

the great depression.

Sex is like pizza.

When it’s hot, it’s great.

When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.

My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Why was the entire population emo in the 1920s?

Because it was the Great Depression.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.

What do you call a magic car that I can do to help me out for you and I will be doing a great day?

What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?

A fossil.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!

Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!

Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!

Why is the wheel the best invention?

Because it's wheely wheely great!

If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔