Good Will jokes

Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?

Me: Oh, good, you?

Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"

"Six pounds."

"And shaving?"

"Three pounds."

"Good, then shave my head."

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

My username good.

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

A chicken walks into a bar.

He orders Dr. Pepper.

He then lays a good scrambled egg.

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

Because no one misses them.

Do you play COC?

Because it’s a pretty good game.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!