Good Will jokes

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Students: "Meat."

Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon."

Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"

One of the students: "Homework!"

They told me I'd never be good at poetry.

But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!

My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭

Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!

My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄

Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.

Cesar: What was that good salad called?

Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

Servant: Hail, Cesar.

Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *Walks away*

Papyrus: Well come to the underground.

Sans: How was your falls?

Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.

Sans: Give me your balls!

Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?

Me: I'm just BONELY.

Sans: Good one kiddo.

What’s one good thing about a pedophile?

They drive slow in school zones.

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

I have a really good construction joke.

But I'm still working on it.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

KFC doesn’t use toilet paper because it is finger lickin' good!