God's Will Jokes

A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

What's a cow's favorite newspaper?

The Daily M0Os.

Oh my frickig god, cleared my history and forgot my password for this, 3th account!

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

Why did God create sex for marriage?

Because he wanted more people and less fun.

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

Have you seen my uncle?

Jesus: I have.

God: Me too.

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

What did God say when he created the first black person?

"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"

"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"

What is God’s favorite candy?

Jesus Pieces.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I pray God I'm not so ugly as you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.