God jokes
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
Stephen Hawking said there is no God.
2018 God said there is no Stephen Hawking.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Why does God hate me?
Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"