New Girl Jokes - Page 40 - Worst Jokes Ever

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green." "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship." "You're very pretty for a Purple girl." "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!" "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people." "You 2-headed people are so stupid!" "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes." "Get out of my store you grigger!" "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

"I was on top!"

All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

"I'm having puppies!"

At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol"

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that you rude girl"

You: "Your mom gay lol"

Girls with the name beoni are white .

Girls with the name Zoe have big foreheads.

What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?

Madeline McCann's bike.

The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."

WHAT DOES YOU GIRL DO TO ME? SHE SUCKS ME OFF

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl? If you slick her hair back she looks 10.

three guys walk into a bar. one asian one american, one black a girl walks in and says if all three of you D____ sizes dont add up to 12 inches i will shoot you first comes the american with 3 inches, then the black man with 8, it totals out to 11 and they look at the asian and say "oh no" he comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve she walks away and says ok, the asian says, your lucky she was hot so i had a boner

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "mummy what`s that building over there"? The mother looked at the prison, smiled and said "that's where the cotton pickers live.