What is Ronaldo's favorite fruit?
Oranges because they have vitamin C.
Fruit Jokes
Why do apple trees like emo kids?
Because they like to play yoyo with them.
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.
Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?
Because she loved raisin' kids!
What do pears and emo kids have in common?
They both be hanging.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.
When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"
And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."
Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."
And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"
And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"
And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"
And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
What do you call a crazy lesbian?
Fruit Loops.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
