Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
So, I was walking down the path of my life with bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his. One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?" He, then, looks me straight in the eyes, and say,"Raw!"
"Hi Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?" " Oh, Johnny you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs." "I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
When your friend gets involved with someone it affects the friendship when ever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend ,we should say I looked like the person you used to know but I've been modified to survive in this relationship if we have an argument and she's there I might disagree with you I'd rather countinue to see her naked.
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital. Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good. Guy #2: Why, what is it? Guy #1: Turns out, I have Prostate Cancer. Guy #2: Oh man that sucks... Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
