What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
