Forest jokes
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.