Flip jokes
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 馃槺馃槀
Recently my baby did this:
馃枙馃徏馃懚馃徏馃枙馃徏 馃幗 馃憱
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
When I saw someone jump out of one of the towers, I yelled, "Do a flip!"
If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.
Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It鈥檚 weird.
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can鈥檛 come in, you鈥檝e come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing鈥檚 been canceled." Kili: "That鈥檚 a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It鈥檚 nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it鈥檚 been in the family for years. That鈥檚 my mother鈥檚 glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki颅li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let鈥檚 shove this in the hole, or otherwise we鈥檒l never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There鈥檚 nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There鈥檚 far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead鈥檚 idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
Yo mama so fat that when she went out in high heels, she came back in flip flops.
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I鈥檓 gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I鈥檓 trying to shit!