Fix jokes
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
How many emos does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, because they just cry in the darkness.
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Q: What do you use on your tuba when it breaks?
A: Tuba-glue.
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.
Why is your hairline so put back it's looking like it was slapped by Will Smith and it needs to be fixed?
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
Your hairline is so jacked up even the barber couldn't fix it.
Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.