Hey What do you want we broke up like 5 days ago leave me alone Ok first wanna do some things What kind of things Illegal things Like what Knock you of and hide your body 🤡🤡🗡
Two fish in a bowl, First fish asks "Haven't i seen you around here before?" The second fish replies "F**k me a talking fish!!!!"
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
I am sick and tired of horror movies it is always the stupid ones that die first. when you see a guy in a dark bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; Don't scream run.
Why doesn't Hellen Kellers kid have ears? She gave it it's first hair cut!
first human comes. sans: that was pun intued
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
Q:Why did the Koala Fall off the tree A:because it was dead Q:Why did the second Koala fall off the tree A:Because it was hit by the first Koala Q:Why did the third Koala fall off the tree A:Because it thought it was a game and joined in
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
A three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat will be closed.
Stranger 3: how to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: you can't!
Stranger 2: you can
Stranger 3: how?
Stranger 2: by using the same idea of russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff but the difference that he can sleep and he will have a food for 30 days and toilet too.
Stranger 3: great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: you all gays are evil monsters
Stranger 2: i think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy let's try this experi-
(the chat has been closed by stranger 1)
You mama so old. Her first christmas was the first christmas
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch Me: Strange...Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
how did pioneers name Canada they put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three the first one was c EH the second one was n EH the last letter was d EH that's how they named c EH n EH d EH
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual".
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human like structure, muffins lack brains which are an essential part to being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak. Thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
three guys walk into a bar. one asian one american, one black a girl walks in and says if all three of you D____ sizes dont add up to 12 inches i will shoot you first comes the american with 3 inches, then the black man with 8, it totals out to 11 and they look at the asian and say "oh no" he comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve she walks away and says ok, the asian says, your lucky she was hot so i had a boner
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom and they bought pads. The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no and her mom fainted
