First Aid jokes
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
Welp
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?
A. They call an AmBOOlance.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
Community talk
Guys, for whatever reason, please do NOT use fly trap paper to wax your asshole!!!
Today, I was trying to search around my house for some waxing paper because my intertwined lengthy asshole hairs created a humid environment to where sweat and fungus was able to be produced. Then, I looked in my father's garage and I was able to find a large sheet of waxing paper (or so I thought).
The waxing paper was yellow for wh… Read more