Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
What's an orphan's second favorite movie?
Home Alone 2.
What do Shrek and onions have in common?
*LAYERS*
What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.
*also him*
Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie? Home.
I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
So cinema.
What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."
Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.
What film do orphans hate?
"Instant Family."
Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A: Because all shows and movies have a cast.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
