Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Father Jokes
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.
He was fired from his job.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
Parents...
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
Your dad is Spider-Man because he’s far from home.
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
