Fat Jokes

Your mama is so fat, the wall couldn't support her picture.

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Yo mama so fat, when she passed by the TV, I missed a whole season of SpongeBob.

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"

Yo mama so hairy, her knuckles have sideburns.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

Joe mama so fat when she got sturdy, she tripped on her shoelaces, fell on her face, and fell down 2 floors.

Joe mama so fat when she weighs herself, the weigh explodes.

Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.

Joe Mama's so fat, when she goes in the elevator, she has to go down.

Joe Mama so fat when she stepped on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.